he: 1st topic tonight, sexting... why wasn't this around when i was a kid???
she: oooh, sexting
j and I thought we made up that word
along with manscaping
he: what's manscaping
wait, i may know
she: trimming the forest so the tree looks huge
he: i like that
i’m totally gonna spread the manscaping thing everywhere
she: lol
he: there was a whole SVU about sexting
this whole season of SVU was their best ever
every episode was intense and well written
this hot teen, sexted her bf, but sent it to the the wrong guy
bf (who was beating her) sent it to the whole school
and all i could think was, where could i get a copy of that
lol
she: i guess i should watch it, because i think that hot dude from six feet under is on it
he: who's the hot dude from 6 ft under?
she: um, er
gotta wiki
he: k
she: jeremy sisto
got it before i had to wiki
yay she
ok, sexting
he: done it twice
wasn't all that
both times it was the chicks idea
and she chickened out of sending really good pics
she: ok, so it's cyber sex on a cell phone?
he: now, i've had a couple of really fun cam to cams ;)
pictures of parts
in real time
she: oh lordy
he: helps if you have a fluffer
she: lol
i've been sexted, sort of
i'm all for innuendo
i’ve been asked if I had a webcam
i said no
never have, never will
lol
i think i would get much more out of masturbating than anything involving a web cam or phone, lol
he: web cams are awesome. video mail, recording funny moments, and Vlogs
it's a voyueristic thing
she: oh dear
i don't want to watch, i want to do
he: it's usually with a stranger
she: which sadly doesn’t make it more appealing to me, lol
i think, after years of researching it, yeah
i'm a doer
do i care if i'm watched? probably not
he: lol
just let me know when you're on
;)
she: pfffft
hey, sometimes our parties got wild back in the good ol' days
"we're just going to do it while you're driving, don't mind us, just don't kill us"
he: ever use a cucumber? any vegetable?
she: um, no
i hate vegetables, i don't even like carrots
lol
one of those big candy canes, yes
bad, bad, bad idea
yeast infection from hell
he: yes! ooh, bad santa
she: i'm not into spam
he: spam?
she: and anything you stick in there, besides a penis, is spam
it's a meat substitute
he: ahhh
lol
she: i like meat
lol
he: :-)
she: now don't get me wrong, i've tried lots of things just to say i did
just to have an opinion
and yeah, still not a fan of spam
he: feltch?
she: feltch?
he: ha!
look it up
she: that sounds too gross for me
hang on
he: then hate me for a few minutes
she: wow, you are brave
lol
he: i never did that
lol
she: oh thank god
he: it's just so gross it's funny
she: i just
wow
he: look up Cleveland Steamer
she: oh no
he: HA!
she: yeah, no
i have had this conversation with many a friend
there is no place for poo in sex
he: one last one, then i have a great story.
chili dog
she: looking up chili dog, it's gonna make she sick, isn't it?
he: it's secondly gross only to feltching
she: wow, freud is missing out, he would have loved urban dictionary
he: ya!
she: looking up tastee freeze just because
he: did u find chili dog?
she: yes, but nothing for tastee freeze, we gotta make something up for that
again, no place for poo in sex
he: uhhh, ever see 9 1/2 weeks
she: don't remember poo
he: there's a tastyfreeze
she: ohhhhh
ok
lol
he: and, i totally recommend u masturbate with ice. i've used that to great reviews before
she: i never said i didn't use it
ice has a place in sex
poo does not
he: also, the altoid myth is totally confirmed.
but, on a 12 yr old level chili dog is just fucking funny
she: i guess, lol
what about your altoid story?
*completely different story told, not even an altoid story, will be posted at later date*
he: now your altoid story
she: ok, but it's a sucrets story
back when i was much younger, and trying to be responsible
he: stupid responsibility
she: i decided, as protection for my boyfriend and i, i would buy that semicid stuff
i don't know if you remember this, but it was these things girls stuck in their nethers that had spermicide in it
he: i've heard of it
she: now, you had to stick it in there 15 minutes prior for it to be effective
so i did
and not having used this stuff before and not thinking twice about it, he went down on me
he: HAHA!
she: and had the box lunch at the y for lack of a better urban dictionary term
and we conducted our business
and the next day he calls me and says
I feel like I just ate a whole box of Sucrets
he: lol
she: and it was the funniest thing ever, after that
all we had to say was Sucrets
and we'd start laughing like crazy
yeah, never used it again, lol
if i only i had known about the sponge, lol
he: lol
she: i'm still stuck on this sexting thing
he: why's that?
she: because i have met so many guys who are into the whole putting things in writing thing
dirty emails
and I'm like
no
lol
show and tell
i prefer show
i don't want to talk about it, just wait until i see you
then we'll just do it
he: that's the practical in you
she: another issue i wish i could get over because it seems so fucking normal and makes she feel kinda like a prude
behind closed doors is totally different
i've never been into pda anyway
he: sometimes, when something feels a little dirty, it's exciting
she: i've gotten texts that made me blush
and my response is
just wait until we're alone, mister
lol
and when you're at work and you get a text like that, yeah, can't think about anything else alllll dayy
dirty im's are another story, lol
he: uh, yeah. i've taken long lunches for a quickie
after a good sext
she: lol
he: totally worth it
it's like coming to work high
she: yeah
lol
"are you drunk?"
no
he: everyone knows something is up, but they aren't sure what
she: lol
he: lol
she: but what if you sext someone and send it to the wrong person
he: that was the whole SVU theme
she: yeah, what if it's like your mom or something
he: well, that's when i release the cyanide pill hidden in my false tooth
she: lolol
he: OH MY GOD, THE WORST THING EVER IS ON NBC!!!!!!!
Joe Satrianni, Sammi Hagar, and Michael Anthony have a band
she: i'm an hour behind
he: playing the worst song ever
she: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
he: on the tonight show
she: what the hell do we call that?
van hagaranni?
he: Van Hayshit!
she: michael anthony, you ass, get your butt to van whatevertheyarethis week
he: the song is really really really bad
she: i bet
i mean, i was ok with van hagar
but shit
he: i mean seriously, what are they thinking
she: are they on conan?
*an hour passes with more stuff that will be posted at a later date*
he: it's about time for van faggot
in ur time zone
she: van faggot?
I LOVE IT, it’s wrong, but perfect
he: lol
she: it took me a second, but that's it! It's their new band name!
oh geeze, copyright that fucker now
he: okay
she: you know there's probably a gay metal band somewhere in the world that probably has that name already
i'll google
not that you aren't brilliant and innovative
but there are alot of gay people in the world who would love to use that name for their band
he: i know... fags aplenty
she: ok, here's a serious topic
he: totally for it
she: i guess we can't argue about it then because i am too
he: yeah, they're born that way
here's my thoughts
i'm not gay, but i can't say that someday a guy wouldn't make me go gaga. it has never happened, but why would i close my mind to something that?
she: i totally agree
plus, it's really not my business
i mean, you love who you love
he: yeah totally
she: i've known too many gay couples who are better couples than most heteros i know
he: denise richards is fucking hideous these days. how much surgery has she had?
she: i remember when she was hot
he: totally NOT now
she's on Jimmy Fallon
she: i think it's just because she talks too much and becomes less attractive
he: no. she's 80 lbs and ugly
she: eh, ok
he: i wouldn't fuck her with Sammy Hagar’s dick
she: that's serious unattractivity right there
he: lol
i really loved her in Wild Thing
but that's it
she: she let charlie sheen procreate some more, she's not smart
i've watched her show a couple of times when i was desperate and perusing on demand
and now i can't stand her
he: k
check out the square peace sign
how lame is that
she: dude on drums totally has a wig
is that other guitar guy really joe satriani?
he: yeah is
she: dude
who let this happen?
he: i'm not sure, but he should be cleveland steamed
she: repeatedly
he: in a humid room
with no ventilation
she: then saran wrapped in it
he: lol
she: which i'm sure is another term
tony danza that mo fo
he: LOLOLOLOL
so, would you rather see this band live or have rats chew on your labia?
she: that's honestly a tough one
i actually stopped to think about it
practically, band
he: lol
she: but comparatively, rats seem more alluring
he: That's the sign of a really bad band
lol
she: they are that bad. wow.
Seriously, what is the Altoid myth?
No comments:
Post a Comment